We were soldiers once, and young.

I just finished watching We Were Soldiers with the boys. It is an incredibly bloody movie about a battle in Vietnam. At times, I questioned my decision to let them watch it, but at the end as I watched the boys weep over the loss of good men and the bravery and superb leadership of an incredible man, I realized this was exactly what I wanted them to see. Instead of feeding them endless hours of pretend war on video games, I want them to feel the agony of death and the pride of selfless heroism. I want it embedded in their souls that the winner is not the last man standing, but the man that stood well until the end. That integrity and selfless love is what makes a good leader, not necessarily military might and cunning.

I have always believed I was raising warriors. From the earliest days of their lives I have felt God's call on their lives for soldier like service.

The question is, how do you raise a warrior?

Repost

I just needed to read this again and wanted to share.

Drowning

There once was a young woman standing on the shore by the sea of responsibility. She got married and with that took one step into the water. In time, she had children and went a little further. As she matured God added some acts of service and she obediently stepped out a little further. The water here was warm and the waves were gentle. She was in water up to her waist and no matter how big the "surprise" waves were, she was not deep enough for them to overwhelm her. The waves of added responsibility would come for a season and would, in time, roll on. She was in a good and happy place.

One day a boat came by. The passengers asked her to come out a little deeper. "We are all going out further. It is the right thing to do. If you don't come out and take on more you are missing out." So she walked a little deeper. Now at her shoulders, the water was more threatening, but she was still able to handle the waves and stay on her feet.

What happened next is very sad. As life rolled on the woman was called further and further into the ocean of responsibility. Her children aged and sent her out, asking for more and more. Her husband headed out to deeper water so she swam deeper to meet him because she loved him so much. She looked out and saw friends farther out and was embarrassed to be in a different place so she went deeper, forgetting they were built taller and could handle a different amount of water.

She began to dog paddle. Never letting on that she no longer even remembered what the ocean floor felt like.

With water up to her mouth, she would push up for air occasionally and then sink back down. She became concerned, but she was still able to stay alive, so she dismissed her nagging fears.
As she pushed up for air one day, she heard a voice calling for help. Looking around she watched in horror as a dear friend went under the water. Feeling desperate to help, she reached out and tipped the friend's head back and held her face out of the water so she could breathe. As the friend recovered, the woman tried to let go and go back to dog paddling herself, but immediately the friend cried out again saying, "no one has ever held my head like you, please stay. Plus, you were so wonderful I brought my friend over for you to hold, too."

Dog paddling madly, occasionally pushing up for air, and holding the faces of friends in her hands the woman carried on. She lived moment by moment meeting whatever responsibility swelled the highest over her, and threatened to crash down over her head. As fatigue set in the woman looked back at the shore and wished she never had gotten in the water. Every time she tried to back out of some of the responsibilities she was only pulled deeper in. Feeling hopeless she had no energy to truly love her husband, children or friends. Every time God called and tried to help her toward her created destiny, she would cry out that she didn't have room for one more inch of responsibility. She began to resent every one around her for weighing her down and was angry that God refused to pluck her out. The only options she could see were to stay and drown as her strength ebbed, or to abandon everything and swim like mad for the shore.

While she wept and wondered what to do, she heard a voice calling. Looking over her shoulder she saw the Coast Guard life boat coming toward her. On it's bow stood the Prince of Peace. He yelled out a message promising life full of peace and abundance in exchange for obedience. Laughing cynically she turned and ignored him. After all she was too deep doing good things to accept the Great Thing being offered. Ever persistent the boat followed as she was tossed in the waves. The Prince said, "My father never intended for this to happen. You made decisions that drew you out too deep. The plans he had for you were for a future and a hope, but you added so much to them that you no longer can obey. Let go, take my hand, and I will carry you back to where the water is warm and is safely around your waist."

"No" cried the woman. She was afraid to let go. If she took the Prince's hand the friends would drown. If she allowed him to take her in, her husband and children would be out here alone.

With sweet compassion, the Prince looked down and said, "You have been deceived. Though at first they may be hurt, the friends will not drown, they will follow you onto my boat. And sweet one, you have failed to notice, but your children are playing on the shore free of responsibility and your husband, being taller, is standing securely in the place I have for him." As she glanced around with eyes opened to the truth, she was overwhelmed by the possibility of going back to a healthy amount of responsibility. The thought tasted like sweet freedom.

"Let go, take my hand, and obey."

And with much fear and trembling she did. All around her the people left alone in the water cried out in anger. "How dare you leave us. You are not following God. You are a failure. You are a quitter..." Turning fearful eyes to the Prince she noticed that his were full of admiration. "Well done my good and faithful servant. You obeyed me"

On the trip toward the shore, the woman asked, "can I just go to the shore and play all day with my children? Can't I take a break from all responsibility?"

"No, dear one. Responsibility is right and healthy at your age. It will lead you great fulfillment. The key is having the correct responsibility."

"How will I do that. I was drawn out once, what if I go out again. How do I respond as people try to call me out?"

"You don't listen to anyone but my father. He has a plan for you that will fill you with joy and abundance. If you will only do what he commands, you will be able to stand firmly in the sea of responsibility all the days of your life."

"But how do I answer others when they call?"

"Friend, let me teach you a magic word. If you use it sweetly with others, it will keep you firmly where my father wants you. If you don't use it with others, though, you will be tempted to start using it with my father again, and you will drown."

"What is it? It must have so much power. I can't believe there is just one word with so much authority. Please tell me!"

"The word is... No. If you are asked to do something that my father has not called you to, just say no. You can also use, I can't or I won't be able to. Sometimes people are hard of hearing, but give no excuses that will give them ground to argue. Just say no and keep saying no until they understand that you live a life controlled by my father. They won't be happy, so don't look at them for your safety. Just look at me."

And amazingly the woman obeyed and, therefore, lived happily ever after.

My Story

I was asked by an old friend to share my story with her. Here is what I wrote.



By the time I knew you, I was nearing the end of a very self-destructive run. I was a very depressed, desperate girl longing to hear that she was desired. I had no self-worth. I wanted to die.

A strange thing happened the end of my Junior year of high school. God took away all of my friends except for Jan and Laura. No one really gave me the time of day. At least that is how it felt. I started hearing from your mouths the idea that I was OK. I was acceptable just as I was. I experienced an unconditional relationship.

The summer before our Senior year, a friend forced me to talk to a pastor at our church. I went in to his office with my face set in stone. Scoffing at the idea that I was going to share any of my story with a stranger. The funny thing was that it was my time. He asked my name, and I spilled the whole sordid tale spinning our counseling sessions into two years of gut wrenching healing.

I wrestled with God. I fought with Him over His lack of care for me. I screamed about His negligence. I pounded out my frustration before Him. I was ugly, cussing, raw and hateful. I figured I didn't have anything to lose. I wanted answers, or I wanted out.

You know what. The God I thought I knew did not exist. I thought I was to honor a distant God who was waiting for me to make a mistake. One that was far away and not likely to help.

As I ranted and screamed and expected to be either struck dead or convinced there was no God, I learned the most amazing thing. There most certainly is a God and He is everything. He met me there in tears on the floor and picked me up. We started a journey together with Him gently wooing my heart. He did not rape me by forcing Himself on me, but He gently re-introduced Himself as He really is. Amazingly Holy and without sin. Endlessly loving and passionate. Crazy and unpredictable according to human understanding. Hilariously funny and fun.

He showed me love and health through too many circumstances to even begin to talk about. Mainly He accepted me as I really was; raw, broken, and ugly. He transformed me. I realized that I was valuable. I began to be able to love others and give up my need to control every element in life. I stopped expecting Him to make life easy and learned that He would always make life meaningful. I learned that no matter how much pain came my way, it was for my good. I started to be able to help other people by comforting them with the comfort that I had received. I started to serve a real, living, and very present God that is sorely misunderstood.

It has been a crazy, wild journey and I have never felt more secure or loved.

I believe we all have to come to the place where we have been endlessly offended by God and then decide what we will do with Him. I am firmly convinced salvation lies in that moment.

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

Does God really care what I am doing?

Is God the type of creator that creates and then steps back to watch? Does He have a perfect plan for your life? Perhaps He has a generalized will, as expressed through His word, but leaves the moment by moment details up to us.

As I teach my kids about God, I ponder these things, even as I am saying them. I tell them that God has written out their days before they were even formed in my womb. Over and over I press home the message that God has created them with a specific purpose in mind, a job to do, and has equipped them perfectly for this plan. But sometimes I come upon people who just as firmly believe that God really doesn't care what you are doing, just that you are following the rules. Living a godly life, but not squabbling over the details.

Here is my conclusion: I am dumb, blind, and ignorant. Not literally, at least I hope not, but in a spiritual sense. We are told that our greatest wisdom is foolishness when compared with God. I look at it this way. My children are sweet, smart, and pretty well grounded, but they make some of the most foolish decisions. Some of these decisions are because of immaturity, some are defiance stemming from a sin-soaked soul, some are from an inability to understand how all the pieces of a situation fit together. Many times they make poor decisions because they are over-confident. They firmly believe they know what I want and how to get there.

I am exactly the same way with God. I think I understand how things work and how He would want me to act, only to find years later that I have matured into a deeper understanding that makes the past look like foolishness. I am depraved and just refuse to obey at times. I am deceived into thinking that I am able to understand the situation and behave appropriately.

This reminds me of a blind, deaf man insisting that it is safe to cross a New York City thoroughfare in the middle of rush hour. He may not see the cars or hear their speed. He may be making a decision based on all the knowledge he has, but it will still be dangerous.

I am the same. I do not see the future. I do not have the ability to fully understand all that God is trying to accomplish. I don't even have a good grasp on the spiritual realities that are swirling around me. I am blind and deaf to true reality.

So for me, I am happy to say that God is welcome to guide my every step. I need Him. I am only here for a short time and I realize that I can not do what I need to do without moment by moment guidance. I am overwhelmingly thankful for the Holy Spirit living inside me, ready to guide, comfort, and teach.

Becoming offended

Just thinking today about relationships. Someone I love is in a tough situation at work where it seems that everyone is against them. In watching them I see how easy it is to start with the assumption that someone is angry, usually based on hearsay, and then start interpreting every action as coming from a heart of ugliness. Then it is easy to allow anger to grow in your own heart and justify less than loving actions on your own part. Of course, you have just given them reason to actually be angry with you whether they were in the first place or not.

How tangled.

Oh to be able to just keep my mind focused on my own business. Does it really matter if someone is treating me unfairly in their own mind? Do I really need to be my own champion all the time to fight for justice and equity? Is it so terrible to be disliked?

I wonder how many times I have created distance in relationships just because I made assumptions. The crazy thing is that even if they are really hating me and being spiteful, I am called to love my enemies. I really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to nursing offenses and allowing them to grow.

Satan wants nothing more than for us to be busy being ugly and hateful.

I hope that I will learn to keep my nose in my own business and not worry about it until someone actually comes and confronts me. I also hope that I really think someone is angry that I will have the guts to go and talk it out with them. Communication will clear up a world of hurt.

To write or not to write...

I am considering blogging again. For a long time the blog has just sat here. I wasn't really interested in writing, but I didn't want to burn that bridge just yet.

I want to blog, because I really enjoy the process of thinking as I write. The problem arises with the enormous responsibility of committing your thoughts to the eternal posterity and exposure of the Web. Writing is a fun way for me to wrestle with the issues that are swirling through my head, but I hate the lack of intimacy with anyone who chooses to read it. I can't help them understand the heart behind my words. They can't see my face to help them read my thoughts. I can't correct misconceptions. I hurt people simply because of the lack of true, deep communication.

I have thought about setting up ground rules.

If you read my blog you must agree to the following...

As the reader, I will:
-understand that the words here are just the words of a very imperfect woman.
-understand that Rebecca does not think that she is right all the time or even any of the time.
-understand that these words represent a journey. They are one stop on a life time of learning and as so are incomplete, not gospel, and most likely will either be disproved or fleshed out more fully in the future.
-understand that this blog is not an instruction manual of any kind.
-believe that the writer does not care if I think differently or live differently.


The problem is that I can't make rules or control people. So I have to decide if it is worth it. Honestly, it comes down to the question of whether or not God finds it to be a worthwhile pursuit and is willing to partner with me to help me.

Well there it is, for what it is worth.

Comfort

I woke up with the phrase "but for the joy set before Him" on my mind this morning. What an amazing thought that Christ was able to endure the pain and humiliation of the cross by focusing on the joy set before Him. The coming eternity of sitting at the right hand of God, the grace extended to all generations of lost souls, the celebration of the triumph over death and sin. Jesus focused on the joy set before him and was able to press through the pain and suffering in His now.

There is so much truth and so many lessons in that phrase. As I seek to live a dangerously obedient life, I find that many times I ask the question, "did God really ask me to do this?" A few steps into obedience, when the glory of newness has worn off, I start looking around. I compare what is required of me with what other people are doing. I start thinking of all the discomfort and ache that will accompany me on the new path and I start to reconsider. The funny thing is that I can justify disobedience every time. I can find people who say it is ridiculous to think that God would require this new sacrifice, I can find Bible verses that seem to muddy the water, and I can tell myself that God does not require masochism and doesn't really want me to be so uncomfortable.

Thank God that Christ had totally different thoughts. He could have easily reasoned, in His human nature, that God could not really want to let His only son die such a brutal death at the hands of mockers. He could have quoted prophesy about the plan for Him to rule and reasoned that would not be best accomplished through death. He could have called on His knowledge of the loving nature of His father and said, "The Father would never require something so painful!"

But He didn't. He turned His face toward the joy that was set before Him. He despised the shame, but He embraced the truth that obedience brings unbelievable joy that lasts for eternity.

So when I feel alone and strange, when I am aching and uncomfortable, when obedience makes me the object of misunderstanding and ridicule, I can draw great comfort from the phrase "but for the joy set before her, she endured..."

Cooking with kids

I have decided that it is time for the boys to start being responsible for some of the regular cooking and product making that we do. This would be things like our bread, snack foods, yogurt, and laundry soap, shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant.

A typical recipe is a bit vague for new cooks and my sweet distracted boys need a little help remembering where they are.

With that in mind, I rewrote my recipes into detailed step by step instructions that walk them through the process from beginning to end. (I do mean detailed!) I wrote in large letters and tried to keep each step short. Then I took the instructions and put them in a clear page protector.

The kids can then take a dry erase marker and mark through each step as they accomplish it. This does wonders for helping them keep up with where they are and which measurement goes with what product. When they finish, they can wipe off the page protector and be ready for next time.

This also works wonderfully for chore lists!

So far the boys have made yogurt and bread with just some verbal coaching! Today they will try laundry soap and crackers.

Homemade deodorant

I found shea butter for sale at Organic Harvest in Hoover. I melted about 2 tablespoons of this in the microwave and then stirred in 4 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch and 1 1/2 tablespoons baking soda. Then I poured the mixture into an old deodorant container. I let this cool in the fridge and when it was hard, was able to spread it on just like regular deodorant. The good thing about this recipe is that if you are not getting enough protection from smell, you can just melt it, add more baking soda and repour. I have found that a ratio of 1:3, baking soda:cornstarch, works well for our family.

Shea butter also makes an amazing lotion and is a natural healer for scars and stretch marks. It is a natural sunscreen because of its high vitamin content.

Biblical Christianity

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot

Are we really willing to come to Christ on His terms? In Luke 14:26-35 Jesus addresses the masses with a radical message. It is important to remember that these were not mature believers. This was the initial invitation to an immature crowd. He called them to three things. First, hate your father and mother. Second, pick up your cross and third, give up everything you own.

If these are the rules of the relationship, are we really willing to play the game?

Hate everyone in comparison to your surpassing love for God. Kill your own selfish love and longing for those around you, cling only to God and allow Him to lavish love on everyone around you. Even your enemies.

Pick up your cross. Acknowledge that you are a dead man. Give up all your longings, desires, dreams, and hopes and die to your flesh. Live only for God's will, dreams, and desires for you. Surrender totally to His desires. Enslave yourself without reservation. Embrace the reality that the only life you will live is Christ living through you.

Give up all that you own. Treat everything around you and all the money that comes in as if it belongs to God. Give Him free reign to take it, have you give it away, or allow it to be lost. Become a clearing house for God's resources so that through you He can meet both your needs and the needs of those around you. All means all and that's all all means...

Wow.

Wow-Long time no talk

It has been a while. I guess I haven't been up to much worth sharing.

I am still loving all the new changes and haven't ditched any of them yet.

I am amazed with my hair, but I have learned that I really need to brush it a good bit to make the oils spread all the way down. It is growing a lot faster.

I like the deodorant, but play with the oil amounts to get a consistency that is easy to apply.

The other day I ran out of detergent for the dish washer. I grabbed a bit of laundry soap and threw it and some vinegar (in the rinse agent spot) in and hoped for the best. It did a pretty good job. I have tried homemade powder for the dish washer and was not pleased. After this, I think that I will try to come up with a liquid that works for us. I will try to post the results.

I was inspired by a fun website to branch out and try to make a dress. I have a great summer dress that I wanted more of, but couldn't find anything like it in the stores. I used it for a pattern and was able to produce two fun dresses for $7. That was great. They are along the lines of the pillowcase dresses you see for little girls, but with different straps. I had to also line them because the fabric was thin.

I continue to not be a great gardener, but I was surprised by my green beans. Turns out they are a foot long variety. They taste great, but really made us laugh with their ridiculous length. We have gotten about 12 cucumbers, and 2 tomatoes. All in all it has encouraged us to love growing our own food. #1 lesson learned....plants need good dirt! Check

The chickens are grown and hopefully by next Sunday we will have 8 free range chickens in the freezer-for free! They have made wonderful composters for all the scraps from canning and eating fresh veggies. I now have dirt they made for me that I will try to grow pumpkins in.

That's all from here.
R