Prayer

Saturday morning I was sneaking a few minutes alone with God on the back porch. My thoughts were scattered in a pleasant way and wandering from topic to topic. I was feeling a little guilty about my lack of ability to focus and pray seriously, but it just wasn't happening. As I attempted to apologize for my lack of focus, I understood for the first time ever that God really loves me just the way I am. He created my scattered brain and loves every bit of it. He loves when I spend time with Him, no formula required. He just likes to be acknowledged as I live and love through the day. He is a constant partner and loves it when I turn to Him and include Him in the flow of my day. Sometimes that will include deep soul prayers, sometimes it is jokes, laughs and simple observations. He is waiting to be with me. Not some formulated, cleaned up, dressed up, proper version. Just me. All of me. My crazy likes and dislikes, my thoughts, my scattered reactions, and my weird sense of humor. He longs to interact with all of that, because He created all of me, and for some reason, He likes me.

I have struggled feeling loved by God all my life. I have always felt slightly off the mark. I felt as if He put up with me, but was always a bit disapointed.

My understanding has changed as my relationship with Tim has deepened. After ten years of marriage, I now know what it is like to be thoroughly loved. Tim enjoys my craziness, he embraces all of me and loves even my ups and downs. He really cherishes me as a jewel. His love has been a beautiful tool to teach me the never ending, all consuming love of God.

I am finally understanding that God really, really, really likes me.