Growing

It amazes me that God won't just perfect us the minute we become Christians. (Which He doesn't, no matter how much some Christians like to pretend that He does!) But yet again God has taken the time to point His finger at a place in my life and say..."Hey, let's tear this out and fix it!" Which always sounds good until the tearing out part happens.

This time He has decided to totally challange the way that I do everything. It has become obvious to me that I look first to others and then to God. Instead of asking and following God's will for my day, I look around and see what I could do that looks godly and seems like it would help others and please Him. I am learning that God is not nearly as impressed with the good, as He is with the perfect. I am still very confused about exactly where the problem lies and what the correct way to live would be. It seems easy until I try to live every moment in His will (the problem being of course that He does not speak audibly and I am too stubborn to hear the still, quiet voice).

So right now I am left knowing there is a real problem and waiting to see how He will fix it. I feel like the lamb that kept running away, so the shephard broke it's leg to keep it safe. The shephard is carrying me until I heal, and I am waiting to see how I will be different when He is done.

One thing I am very sure of is that I am tired of doing it my way. Lately the burden has been heavy and definitely not easy. I guess that is a clear indication that I have wondered off into my own way because He promises that His load is easy and His burden is light. I am very ready to start carrying only His load!