Sorry, I know the topics around here haven't been cheery. I pray that you will grant grace and patience as I seek to be transparent and honest about my journey.
I have felt a little burnt out as a wife, mother, and Christian. Not enough to panic, but enough to cause some tearful conversations with my sweet husband. One thing that came through the incoherent mumbles was a cry from my heart that I took on all the negatives of being a woman without enjoying the positives.
Later, I kept coming back to this train of thought. I do feel the weight of constant meals and cleaning. Being always available but never overbearing. Seeking to find God's will on behalf of my children, their education, and myself. I have sought to keep clean. Stay healthy and slender. Keep the weeds out of the garden and off my face (darn those random hairs that came with 30!). I carry the emotional weight of kindness and tenderness in a very male home. There are so many things that a woman faces that a man does not. Sometimes my heart screams out at the unfairness of it all.
But this week I have pondered the thought that in this feminist driven society, women have given up the positives of being a woman. We are not allowed to be weak and accept help. It is shameful to be submissive and allow a man to carry the weight of decision making. We should open our own doors, fix our plumbing, deal with irate customer service reps, and balance a dwindling budget. We control our emotions even when our hormones are unbearable. We go to work as our bodies cramp and bleed. We mow the yard, take out the trash and wash the car.
Granted, I don't do all of these things. It does illustrate to my heart the possibility that I am trying to be both man and woman. I am buying into the lie that a woman is the same as a man and yet still responsible to be female, that we should be both tough and tender.
I also have thought that I often do this in my life with Christ as well. I do all the work and service but fail to enjoy the peace of leaving all the worry and planning in His hands. I try to be both God and servant and am wounded in the process.
So give me your thoughts. What are the positives about being a woman that we can embrace. The areas that bring rest and restoration to our souls.
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"Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored His name." Malachi 3:16
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9 comments:
One of my favorite things about being a woman is the companionship we can achieve with other women. I went out to eat the other night with four other ladies and we shared all of our dishes, laughed too loud, talked about stuff only girls talk about, encouraged one another in our faith and with our relationships with our husbands, and then (all five of us) split one piece of cheesecake. Men do NOT do this. I feel very safe with my Godly friends.
I also love to accessorize. And shop. It's fun to be a girl!
Well, men don't share one piece of cheesecake with four of their closest friends. That's what I was talking about.
Men are fully capable of achieving a close friendship/accountability with other men. I do think it is harder for them than it is for women.
I love not bearing the burden of financially providing for our family. I'm thankful to help manage our money wisely but at least it's not ME needing to keep the resume/experiences beefed up in order to take care of a growing family.
Well, it's definitely not that we have boobs. Matt always says how wonderful it must be as a woman, to have my very own set of boobs. He says if he were female, he would never be bored! (What a Boob!! Ha!)
Wow~ that's tough, as I'm dealing with some of the same frustrations myself. Sorry I can't be of better help with what I love about it. Maybe I'll just say... "boobs?"
Maybe I shouldn't have commmented here...
I think it's easier for us to enjoy the tender side of the Lord. Guys don't do that well as it's not very "manly" to be "mushy" (as my guy puts it). I don't really think if it as mushy but it's the side of Him that tells me it's ok when I mess up and doesn't bring His wrath instead (because it was an innocent or ignorant mistake). Or He doesn't tell me to suck it up and then turn and walk away. (which is how i think a lot of men are taught to handle things.)
I so identify with you. I've been there. Now, as a grandmother, I look back and wonder how I managed as well as I did! A key thought for me was realizing that my attitude and my happiness could not be managed by anyone other than myself and the Lord. It was pretty challenging to realize that 'if only' and 'it's because of X person or Y situation' were not valid arguments. That may not be a problem for you, but even though I knew this in my head, my heart still blamed others. (The baby won't sleep through the night...my husband is never there when I need him...our teen is worrying me...we can't afford it...etc!) Dressing and grooming well helped me. Keeping things in order helped. My thought life was decisive: I had to make a conscious decision to think of things that were not only true but also lovely, of good report, excellent, and praiseworthy.
Realize that some of your burn-out is probably physical. I had to learn to adjust my expectations to my own age and stamina. We aren't Super Woman, and what I want to hear is the Lord's "Well done, good and faithful daughter" rather than "You were perfect" --which I'm not but Jesus is.
Kim's thought on friendship with other women is so true! We need uplifting friends.
My mom (mother of 9) used to say that when she was 'down' in spirits, her rallying verse was, "And it came to pass." In other words, hang in there and it will get better, with God's help.
May I recommend Martyn Lloyd-Jones old book, Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure. It's not easy reading at times, but wow, what a book!
Great thoughts from you and everyone. I think it's a place we all go at least once if not more.
I think one of my favorite parts of being a woman is being loved by my husband. Women are commanded to submit, but men are commanded to love us as Christ loved the Church. Thats a pretty heavy burden and if I was commanded to love like that in the husband wife relationship, I'm not sure how well that would turn out.
But having a husband that is willing to at least try to live that out, I think is a great part of being a christian woman.
I have been very blessed/convicted/encouraged lately in reading the books of Martha Peace (Attitudes of a Transformed Heart, Damsels in Distress, The Excellent Wife, etc.) Her counsel is biblical and so straightforward.
On a lighter note, women get prettier shoes :)
birth. we get to experience the thrill of bringing life into the world.
what a gift!
I love this post btw. i know im late getting to it.. but girl.. you encourage me more than you could ever know.
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