Signed, Mom

Today I signed my first email, mom. It was a weird moment that in some way seems to capture this struggle in parenting that I am going through.

M. celebrated his 10th birthday this past week. In so many ways it was a milestone for all of us. T. and I have parented for a decade. We have done this long enough to see light at the end of the tunnel and to recognize that children are very flexible little things. Despite all the dramatic failings in our parenting, M. is a wonderful, mature, loving child. We are seeing that God's hand in his life is far stronger than ours, PRAISE HIM!

For M. this marked the end of an era. Never again will he be in the single digits. This seems to be a bit scary for him as he has mentioned it over and over. There is an internal struggle in him between being a dependent small child and moving toward greater independence.

So I am left wondering how on earth do you lead a child into independence while still guiding them and protecting them. I have spent a lot of time in prayer, and I need a lot of advise, but I have come up with two observations that I think will help me.

First I need to come to his level. I need to enter his world. Learn about his likes and dislikes, listen to his opinions and respect his developing sense of self.

Second, I need to let go. Pick big battles to fights. Let go of some of the small stuff and resist nagging. I need to stop micromanaging. He needs to make some of his own decisions and live with the consequences.

Third, I need to keep my mouth shut some more. He has had 10 years to hear my thoughts and opinions about everything. He knows so much about right and wrong, the Bible, God, and the world. Now is the time for me to have moments silence while I let him struggle through and form his own opinions.

So in that vein, I sent my son an email. I expressed to same love and affection, but I did it in a way that speaks to his heart and for the first time I signed online as mom.