Fear is my greatest motivator for disobedience. This week God has highlighted four instances of direct disobedience that were connected to my fear.
The first was a little girl that was being abused emotionally by her parents. It was clear that I needed to offer some words of encouragement and hope. I didn't because I was afraid. I feared the reaction of her father, if he saw me. I feared the reaction of her brother, who was with her. I knew I was doing wrong as I left, but I let my fear dictate my actions. To gently highlight my sin, God allowed me to watch another one of His servants stepping in and offering His comfort to the little girl.
The second involved a young woman at a wedding I was working. Her boyfriend yelled at her during the entire reception and left her crushed by the end of the night. Again I felt the need to speak of my prayers for her. A simple reaching out. Again, I let fear freeze the words bleeding from my heart. God gave me an example of the correct behavior in a wise older man sweetly asking me about my faith as I took him to his car. A reaching of God's heart toward mine.
Next, I let my fear motivate me to spend money incorrectly and God let me know I missed out on seeing His miraculous provision in that circumstance.
And finally I let my insecurity in a relationship result into, what God gently reminded me was, gossip.
"The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures..."
Ah, the peaceful picture of a shepherd guiding his flock to an area of beautiful green grass. Nourishing them with the very best. Offering them abundant blessings. But the word "makes", what does that mean? Is He offering, demanding, or making it possible?
The analogy became clearer to me when I learned a fact about sheep. They will refuse to lie down if scared.
That hits close to home. The refusal of abundant blessings due to fear. Not only do I sin when I refuse to follow the leading of the Spirit, but I am denying myself the blessings God wants to give me for obedience.
God makes it clear in His word we are to have no fear. His perfect love does away with our fear. He reminds us there is nothing to fear if the Maker of heaven and earth is on our side. He is our strong defender. He is fierce on our behalf. Why do I fear?
The answer lies deep in my heart. A whispering of, "what if He leads me into something that is ultimately good, but hurts terribly right now." The consuming question of trusting God, knowing His ways are not our ways.
I no longer question God's heart for my best. I question how much the "best" will cost me.
The answer is hard. For now I will pray for what I am lacking. Ask God to teach me to be a warrior that can take fear and turn it into a stimulus for action. I also believe the answer lies in surrender. Choosing to trust the strength of His rod and staff for my protections. Knowing if it does hurt, the hurting will not be in vain.
May He repeat the command given to Joshua, "Be strong and of good courage. Do not fear or be afraid." May I respond by lying down and accepting the peace and provision of my own green pasture.
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3 comments:
I am going to be back to read this one several times. I may even just print it if that's ok. Fear is such a major part of my life I don't even see it for what it is most of the time. You really have a gift. You have always been able to communicate truth so well and I have been blessed enough to be the reciever in that many many times. It really is a beautiful thing Rebecca. You have comforted me many times in my walk with God. Thank you.
I second Michelle. You are very gifted in communicating truth.
Every time I think about how fearful I can be and how it stops me from doing what God calls me to, I think of II Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." If only I could remember that more often. Thanks for sharing this!
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