Facing your fears

T. had a tactical training day yesterday. After hours of physical exertion and classroom time they took the team out, ran them around until they were sweaty, and then bombed them with tear gas. Then they put them in a closed bus and bombed them again. This time they had to stand in a line and wait for their turn to take off their mask and state their name and social.

When I came home and heard about all of this it made me sick to my stomach. But an amazing thing had taken place in my husband. He had a whole new level of bravery.

T. led a very quiet and secure life as a child. Very safe and very neat. As an adult there was always the question lurking in his head about how he would measure up if adversity came his way. He had never had a chance to see what he was made of. With his job, God has given him many opportunities to face his insecurities and not only live, but conquer. I have watched him become more confident and secure. He is growing tough and losing fear. It is beautiful!

Fear. So much of my fear is literally in my head. I can worry a situation to death without actually dealing with the facts at all. I plan ahead and worry ahead. I dread what might happen and shake at perceived dangers all around me. But God is taking me to school about fear.

Here are some things I have learned:
-I am way too creative. In the ten minutes T. is late coming home I can have him dead, buried and be learning to live as a single mother. I have to learn to take my thoughts captive and not start down that path.
-A situation is never going to be like I am imagining it to be. It will either be better or worse, but there is no use trying to plan it all out.
-I do not have the grace to face a situation beforehand. God grants us all the grace we need to face every aspect of the life He allows, but He does not give the same grace to us ahead of time. Worrying through a projected scenario can be debilitating because we do not have God's grace yet.
-Fear and worry have become a control issue for me. It is as if I think if I can just be prepared for the worst, then I can not be hurt as badly.

And my new one for this week:
Fear is effectively conquered by confrontation. There is something that happens to us when we stare our fears in the eyes and don't back down. Truth seeps into the lies that have swirled in our head. All of the sudden you understand that you can live through a whole lot. You realize that you are not as weak and vulnerable as you feared. You develop a understanding of the pain involved and you are prepared for the next assault.

For me, worry is dabbling with lies. Basically, the truth sets you free!

"He leads me beside still waters."

A good shepherd understands that sheep are afraid to drink from rushing waters. He will lead the sheep where the waters are calm. God understands our fears. He does not force us to drink when we are afraid. He works with us with no condemnation. Praise God for the peace that brings.

He also offers us freedom from our fears, but He does not make them disappear. Instead, He backs us up with the strength and power to face any opposition and come through it. To face fear and let the truth set us free.

His business is building warriors. Training us to use our sense of fear as a motivation to run forward and fight instead of running away and hiding. Girls, He doesn't want a bunch of untried, soft soldiers. He is giving us the opportunity to be tested and proven. To survive and come through tough. To conquer our fears instead of pushing them away.

GO. FIGHT. WIN!