In our study of Daniel, Beth Moore brought up the point that Nebuchadnezzar built up the golden image in worship of how he saw himself. He wanted worship as the 90 foot golden god. She asked in what way we build idols of ourselves to be worshiped. How have we bought into the cultural lie that says we need to build an image. The test is to see if the way others see you is the way you really are. It is an issue of integrity. Stephen in the NT was a man in whom there was no guile. It is the same concept. What you see is what you get.
Today I was confronted by our library. They say we ruined a book and then tried to sneak it in the book drop. The issue was not the money, I can not stand them thinking I am an irresponsible sneak. I wanted to argue and defend myself. I wanted to build an image of a perfect woman who could never do such a hideous thing. Instead I simply said, "I know I did not do that." I wanted to go on calling on a beautiful record of integrity and trust, but the truth is, I'm not perfect. I don't keep all the rules. I forget and I am careless. I didn't do this, but I'm not the perfect person that I wanted to portray.
I wanted to apologize to this beautiful community of women for all the times I have polished, covered, and lied about my imperfections. I am so sorry for the times that I have pretended to have it all together, just when it was all falling apart. I am sorry for not being real in my weakness and for not calling out for help when I most desperately needed it. Most of all I am sorry for building an image of myself that totally obscures the amazing image of God inside me.
God help me to be like crystal. Clear, exposed and cut to reveal the beauty of Your light.
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9 comments:
Gosh, I love you!!
glad you're in my life. for real.
I'll second Alli on that. You are one of the most real, authentic women of God I know. I appreciate your total true portrayal of you - you are open about your struggles and your desire to grow - as a wife, mom, friend and child of God. I love you tons.
Can I be honest? I don't use the library because I am scared of what my kids would do to them! If they approached me it would probubly be true. Tuck loves books and reads them constantly. I agree with you about Crystal! I am always impressed and feel like I should be doing tons better.
So honest and soothing to hear that you have similar conversations with yourself that I find myself having. Good stuff. Sometimes it's so hard to recognize those feelings in the moment.
Sorry, I had to LOL at the "God help me to be like crystal". ;) And even more ... at H's comment. :)
Note to the Blog world. I love Crystal, and do want to be more like her. She has a wonderful relationship with God and a beautiful quiet spirit, but I was referring to the clear, glass-like material in the post. Sorry Heather for the misunderstanding :)
:) I feel so special.
hee hee! I bet Heather is sooo gonna giggle in that cute giggle she has when she reads these comments...
i love that cute - silly heather giggle.
oh, hey again, graced! did ya like those wacky messages on your machine??
totally
I did have to take a second look at the "crystal" comment!
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